please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
