hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
