Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
