just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize