i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i dont even know how to be here
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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