I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
