Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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