it wasn't lemon gatorade
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't deserve a penis
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
