All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
