here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
