Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize