she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
