Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
