can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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