First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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