We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
