You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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