can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
