first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
