do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Green mimosas i think yes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
