Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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