Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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