how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
