first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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