Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We were destined to go to rehab together
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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