I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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