You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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