I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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