well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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