i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize