mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
