I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
