Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize