I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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