I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
