I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
