After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
