I just pynch a tree in the face
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
