...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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