I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
