Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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