I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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