so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
