In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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