Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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