His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
