I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
