my mouth tastes like poor choices
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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