Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
