just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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