Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
