then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
how does that bad decision feel?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
