I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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