My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
