sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am spending my child support on dildos
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
