my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
