my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
