Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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