I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
