Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
