I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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