the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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