drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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