Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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