just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
