im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
