6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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