it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
