If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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