At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
