hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
