And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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