david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
