Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
