I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
