just tell him i said nine months
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
