His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
