margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
