I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
