I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
