all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
