i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
