I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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