dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
